Hope in a jar
Updated: Jul 3
Moisturizer. This is not a word one normally associates with life. Or hope. However, for me, it is a deceptively simple way to know things do get better. You may be asking how. I am here to tell you how. It occurred to me one day as I applied some right after a shower, just before bedtime. A normal course of action for most, a matter of routine really. It's something I do without thinking, as I am sure many of you do as well. I was feeling particularly awful, sad or just feeling a little bit lost. Hopeless. Not due to any one thing I could put my finger on, but the feeling was there all the same. A life in renovation will do that to a person.
It seemed that on this day, all of my best intentions seemed to do what they so often do, led me to take yet another wrong turn, in a year that I had already seemed to take far too many wrong turns. Those turns take me even farther off the beaten path. In a misguided attempt to right myself, I made yet so many other wrong turns, getting myself ever more lost. The whole effort some times never seemed worth the bother, and it is so utterly defeating to know that I have been my own worst enemy. That knowledge keeps me feeling depleted and oh so very tired. Some days it just seems easier to give up, rather than to keep going.
Somehow though, despite my best intentions, there is a spark deep inside that will not be extinguished. I just will not allow myself to be diminished. That spark remains here, despite all my attempts to escape it. I remain, as I ever am, vigilant. I know that some day, hopefully soon, there will me, standing on the other side of this, curious as to why I was so ready to throw in the towel. This circles me back to that little jar of moisturizer. If I was really ready to give up, why am I here now, in this fluffy towel, putting on this lotion? Why would I even bother, if I truly thought there was no chance for me? Why go the extra mile to make myself as soft on the outside as I am on the inside? There, in the simple act of applying that moisturizer, is everything you need to know about the hope that lies in that little jar.